Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Monday morning without Boss

A huge sigh of relief this Monday morning as my boss is in China - little chance of continuing the emerging trend of humiliating myself this week! However I have an interesting exchange with a student (I should point out here that I work in a university, not a school). He comes to ask ostensibly about exam results, but is now loitering uncertainly.

Student: (wheedling) Miss, can I ask you a favour?

Me: (putting pen down) Sure, what's up?

Student: (grinding toe into carpet) I was wondering if you could recommend me a nice place to go... without any Asians? (Student is Asian himself)

Me: (thinking, "odd", but maybe he just wants to integrate). OK... what exactly are you wanting?

Student: Miss... well... actually, I'm having an affair with a married woman and the Asian community is very small. Can you recommend a nice pub that I can take her to?

Me: (A bit non-plussed, but jot down some pub names). OK, here you are, but - (sudden realisation these are my favourite date destinations) if you see me in there with a man you have to pretend you don't know me, right! (Silently banging head on desk - how many men have I just implied I'm dating?!)  And - don't tell your friends!
Is this how I'm coming across?

Student: Don't worry miss, you're the only person I've told. Even my friends don't know. I knew you'd help! You're my best teacher!!

Should I be extremely flattered by this, or wonder what exactly my work persona is suggesting?

I'm still pondering this at lunch when Big Boss comes over as I'm making a salad.

Big Boss: Ah - salad again! You must go home and live off pizza and chips!

Me: (joking) Why? Are you saying you can't understand why I'm so fat when I eat so healthily?!

Big Boss: (wandering off) Yes... it wasn't very tactful of me, was it...

Me: ???!!

Well, I'm glad that's cleared up:  - it's clearly the Vanessa Feltz vibe that drew students to me...

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