M: a blast from the past

At dinner last week, S asked me if I'd met anyone online in the last couple of years that I could have truly fallen for. Yes, there was one man: M. M was uber-smart, had degrees/doctorates from top world universities, and taught a third subject at Oxbridge. He was strong, sure, charismatic, had a powerful animated face, an appreciation of arts, sciences, philosophy, a wry sense of humour, and was skilled in the art of conversation. He thought he was too old for me, but he was younger than my oldest ex, and is significantly younger than S. My main challenge was just to act like an adult and keep my head, as he seemed pleased enough with everything else.


I last saw M last summer when we went to a concert: music and dance, in an intimate venue. I found it hard to watch the show and not him - he was magnetic. 

What happened? I blew it. I told him my life plan was set and (didn't quite grasp that) it didn't fit in with his. Only a week later did I realise the implications of this.

Let's just deal with that forthcoming joke now.

OK, that's not all.

I also got uncharacteristically nervous, and made a ridiculously juvenile, unfunny, immature joke at a point where he might possibly have been leaning over to kiss me. And then I got out of his car, watched him drive off and looked for a wall to head butt, hard.

I didn't hear from him again, and gathered up my last scraps of dignity by not hounding him.

Why am I telling you this? After speaking about him with S I started thinking about him again. Actually, that isn't true - I was already thinking about him, when I considered sending him a Valentine's message, but didn't (see previous paragraph).

But after mulling it over, on Saturday night I sent him a message apologising for being a moron and letting him know I'd be in his city the next day, and although it was horribly late notice... coffee? I expected no answer (as that was what my last email, sent in the autumn, received).

A couple of hours later - a reply! It commenced: "Always a pleasure to hear from you, you ought to be told." And continued: "Behaved like an idiot? Surely not." Unfortunately he wasn't free for coffee, but did suggest catching up in a couple of weeks (once his house move is out of the way).

Thanks S!